Lady Gaga's music makes it clear that she don't mind paparazzi. But our guess is that if she decides to write a song called "Restaurant Critic" for her parents Joe and Cynthia Germanotta, joined Art Smith, Oprah's former personal chef, this week to open an Italinan restaurant, and even the tacit backing of two of the world's most powerful women wasn't enough to prevent a critical drubbing. Steve Cuozzo, the longtime restaurant critic at the New York Post, popped into the Upper West Side joint on opening night to sample the food. And he "HATED IT". In His Joanne review("You'll gag on the food at Gaga's"), he said that he calamari salad was the worst he'd eaten in his entire career at a critic. And it only gets worse from there: One-note orecchiette with shellfish recalled the flaccid pasta commonly doled out along Long Island's Jericho Turnpike - or at 35,000 feet. Unspeakably fatty veal osso bucco was $38. In a review the other day, I criticized the same dish at new Caffe Storico, where it cost only $28. Come back, Caffe Storico! All's forgiven.
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